I’ll Take “Seeking Control” for $500

When you are the parent of a twice-exceptional child,  you often feel as though you are playing a game of Jeopardy!  There are several “issues” that you balance at once and the difficulties from yesterday, may not be the challenges of today.  You have to be on your toes and ready for any “topic” at any time!

As we get closer to school starting, my TBP seems to be seeking control.  He is pushing boundaries and is questioning why his opinions are not as valued as the adults at home. We had a nice, easy summer…which we all got used to.  However, the change in the weather, darker evenings, and purging of high-water pants all point to the fact that school is almost here.  Many kids seem to be excited for a new school year, but mine is not.

The last two weeks, we started discussing the fact that he must talk about other topics that are not Mine Craft related.  We started more social coaching prior to a play date or explaining why he can’t always be the winner of a sword fight or board game.  We mentioned visiting the school playground and checking out his classroom and he politely answers, “No thank you.”  The big kicker has been starting to limit screen time and this is where he pushes back the most.

I know that he is a “slow to transition” type of kid, so we tried talking about school early.  But here’s the thing…the ramping up of school talk made matters worse.  I want to prepare him, but I think he hears the importance in my voice and he gets more anxious.   My sweet TBP acts as if he doesn’t talk about it…the first day of school won’t arrive.  I understand this desire to live in denial, because the truth of the matter is that I feel the same way!  I am SO concerned that this will be another year of struggles and boredom, that I too try to ignore the start of the school year.

I am an extremely organized person and I haven’t finished shopping for his school supplies!  I haven’t gone shopping to purchase one piece of “back to school teacher clothes.”  I want to cover my ears and say “I can’t hear you” repeatedly whenever someone mentions that school starts Wednesday!  This makes me wonder if maybe these more controlling behaviors aren’t really new.  Maybe my nerves are getting the best of me and I’m reacting in a way that I wouldn’t have in easy, breezy July?  I know that my son is very perceptive and I know that I must focus on a new beginning instead of the old disasters.

Anyone else nervous about the new school year?  Are you seeing ramped up behaviors now that summer is quickly vanishing?  This Mama would like to know!

7 thoughts on “I’ll Take “Seeking Control” for $500

  1. We always take our vacation this last full week before school. It makes the end of the summer better. However, when we get back, it is rough. We do some of the things you do to prepare our children but it is still tough.

  2. We’re getting nervous about the start of the school year, but it helped that we FINALLY got the letter with the teacher our little man is assigned to for next year. He was having a lot of anxiety about not being back with his first (and thus far only) teacher. But we know who his teacher will be, are pleased with the assignment, and know of a couple buddies that are in his class, so I have seen the anxiety going down a bit. We go for back-to-school night on Tuesday and I think that will help, as well. Trying to transition to a more school-year-like evening routine has been challenging though. A lot of push back there.

    • We also just found out the teacher, but that bit of news hasn’t helped. We don’t know her, but only hope that he is allowed a new beginning. Thanks for your comments and stopping by! I hope your family has a great start to the new school year! 😉

  3. My son was actually filled with great enthusiasm for school to restart. He studies everyday…regardless of weekends or vacations. He studies first…and by doing so…he earns the right to play with his iPad. It is our standard operating procedure…so there are no contrary expectations.

    So far as pushing boundaries with questions…what I do with my son is to turn it around. I have him justify his position…rationally. I will enter a debate with him (so long as it will not delay anything at hand). Whenever I say to him…”Why so?”…he knows that unless he can substantiate his position…he will have to do it.

    This allows him to feel that he was not only heard…but that he had a fair chance at explaining his position…just as an adult would have. That is having the same rights as an adult…along with the same responsibilities…having to rationally explain and defend their arguments.

    • Shiroi,
      Your comments begin great conversations in our house! We have been discussing the importance of standing by our word. Mostly these situations are centered around schedule and responsibilities. I get frustrated when he argues for postponing his part of the deal. However, there are times when his debates make sense and I listen and we make adjustments. The issue seems to come when he wants to continually debate or when school staff doesn’t appreciate his desire to present his arguments.

      I do believe that he is a natural negotiator. I am learning to appreciate this when time permits.

      We had a productive discussion about his school schedule and responsibilities. He explained his position and I listened…really listened. I think this shows maturity and the ability to hear others ideas (me too) 😉

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