Maybe It’s Because…

I’m not sure if it was the volunteer celebration this morning or the realization that we have only twenty days left of school, today I was filled with emotions.

Soon, I will say goodbye to my first graders and proudly watch them as they wave to me from the buses pulling away on that last day of school.

I’m not one of those teachers that cry easily on the last day.  I am smiling and waving and very clearly sending them the message that this is a good day!

We shouldn’t cry!  We should be happy, proud, exhausted, and ready for the summer…not sad; however, this year, I think I might cry.

Maybe it’s because I had fourteen of my young learners for two school years.

Maybe it’s because of the kindness and support this group of parents have shown me.

Maybe it’s because my schedule and job will be so different next year only teaching one day a week.

Maybe it’s sadness that my son isn’t having this last day of school experience and I still mourn this fact.

Maybe it’s a combination of relief and exhaustion that I was able to keep my job, do a great job, despite my son’s horrendous school experience.

Maybe it’s all of the above.

I don’t want to cry, but I’m thinking it’s at least more than a 50/50 possibility.

Today when my first graders and I did calendar together, some students were excited about the news of twenty days left.  Some turned and looked at me in disbelief, looking for my guidance. Was this good news?  Was this sad news?  Many experienced similar feelings as their teacher…a mixture of excitement, sadness and surprise.

As with many situations, my emotions will change about the school year coming to an end.  Report cards, packing up classroom materials, and all those “lasts” that take a bit more energy and all these items might push my emotional meter more toward “relief” than “sadness.”

How does your child feel about the end of the school year?  How do you feel?

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Maybe It’s Because…

  1. I didn’t realize you were still teaching. Are you in a different school than your son was in? It must be good to have someone watch your son while teaching.

    When I left teaching I was fed up with the system and it’s lack of autonomy and mounting pressure. I’m glad to hear there are pockets without so much pressure. A majority of my friends are teachers and are miserable. It’s got to be difficult for you to leave teaching (to go to one day a week) & homeschool.

    I cried every year but one because of the exhausting but rewarding work we all did. I think it was part missing my students and part exhaustion. Best of luck!

    • Because of our unusual circumstances, I went on a partial leave so that I could continue with my class and support my son. It hasn’t been easy, but I am glad I did it.

      I struggle with the focus on teacher evaluation and proving that we are getting the job done. The teachers that I work with are their hardest critics. They work tirelessly, and much of that time off the clock, on behalf of their students.

      I love my job and career, but I will say that when we start to want everything to be the same across the board, there is the tendency to take the passion, the uniqueness, the craft out of the job.

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