Those Painful Words

I knew this day would come.  I just thought that he would be older, tween years maybe.

I hate you!  I wished that you weren’t my mother!

What prompted this proclamation?

I asked him to read  a book.

I have been trying to add some academics to his days so that the return to school might be less painful.  He has gotten extremely comfortable in his comfy clothes and his leisurely schedule and I wanted to remind him that this is not his ongoing reality. He likes to stay in the land of denial. He wants to forget about the responsibilities of his ‘real life’ and wants to enjoy his vacation.

When he talks about returning to school, his tone sounds as though he is a grown man working 50-60 hours a week in a physically demanding job…a warehouse or construction site maybe. He started his emotionally fueled sermon and listed all the reasons why he shouldn’t be forced to read on his vacation.  Each time he stated his position, he was irritated by my rebuttal.

“Real readers are supposed to read for enjoyment.”

“I am already an excellent reader!”

“What is the point?”

When I shared that there would be no more computer or television until reading was completed, he was furious.  My TBP shouted those words and then dramatically stomped upstairs.

I wanted to stomp up those stairs and lecture him about all the work that it takes to be a good mom.  I wanted to list all of the sacrifices.  I wanted to scream about the long battle to adopt him.  In my head, I thought of all of this; thankfully, it stayed in my head.

I fought back my instincts.  Instead of talking, I took deep breaths.  Finally, I did what most mothers might do…I folded laundry.

I continued to fold laundry as I heard my son calling from upstairs.  I gathered up the towels and went up.  My intent for going upstairs was to see my son, but the laundry allowed me to be a bit on the “hard to get” side.  After all, I didn’t want it to look like I was racing to him.

I cracked opened the door and looked in.  Be calm.

“Do you need something?”  I tried to sound even-tempered, but it came out colder than I intended.

Out poured the apology.  He tried to explain and I listened.  I explained that I had a responsibility to get him ready for the return to school.  Because of that, we would be doing a little bit of reading, writing, and problem solving each day until school started up again. He thought about my words and I could tell that he was formulating his responses while I spoke.

We understand each other now; however, we don’t agree with each other’s position.  There will be more compromising I’m sure.

Realistically, I know this will not be the only time that I hear those words.  Those words have been screamed at moms for decades.

So…have you heard “I hate you” yet?  How did you respond?

9 thoughts on “Those Painful Words

  1. I think I heard “I hate you” a couple of times over the years. The one that really made me most angry, though, was being called an “idiot” by our son – many, many times. He got banished to his bedroom with no internet access every time – otherwise I might have gone over the edge and throttled him. Thank heaven that now that he’s gone off to college I’ve suddenly become relatively intelligent and actually rather pleasant to be with in his eyes. 🙂
    -Amy at

    • Amy-
      Ouch! Idiot is harsh! As the mother of an eight years old boy, I have many more years to hear that one and more! I can’t help but hope that they come infrequently though 🙂
      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Haven’t heard it to my face, but he did tell my neighbor a couple times a while back. We were having a lot of tension at the time. He did call his dad fat and me a bad cook and went stomping to his room. I think he was in second grade when he did that. We laughed so hard. What was even funnier was when we overheard him tell his sister not to call mom and dad names because it is very embarrassing later. I know its coming and I know I said it A LOT to my parents!!

    • Carrie-
      Not your parents?!? Your mom is so cool and I still remember when your Daddy went and got a Christmas tree for my classroom. That was a long time ago 🙂

      I know it comes with the territory but when your kid calls you names, it hurts. Especially when you are tired, stressed, and just helped them with their homework!

      • Ha ha you are too kind!! My parents are a lot easier to deal with now that I am an adult and live far away. I now see how much I am like my dad, must be why I thought he was so annoying as a teen.

        I completely agree and am not looking forward to the day it is going to hurt!! I guess I will just pretend he only called me a bad cook again!!

  3. I have heard those words far too much to be the mother of a 6 yr old. Made me really sad at the time but she was in a very rough spot in K last year and having all sorts of problems related to being a highly gifted 5 yr old and the behavior/social skills of a 3 year old. (Yay Asynchronous development). She went to a Behavior Therapist for several months and she was a different child. I remember after VBS she asked me if I knew what a God Spotting was and told me it is when you see something so beautiful and she told me that I was her God Spotting. I almost lost it as a few months back she hated me (A LOT). Summer caused some regression but she is back in the swing of things and she has matured too. I still hear it a bit but she usually apologizes. (usually when pulling ipad away after MANY warnings) — the BT said if it gets bad just don’t allow any ipad at all. may have to look into that as we don’t really allow computer time due to this as well.

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