The B Word

My son came home yesterday and used the B word to describe his day…bullied.

He said that a particular boy in his class has continued to bully him since the beginning of the year.  I had heard this boy’s name mentioned, but I thought the problem had gone away.  It hasn’t.

It happens in class, in the hallway, and at recess.

Yesterday, he cried as he reluctantly shared the details.  He cried the kind of cry that shows feelings of frustration and hopelessness.

I felt my stomach sink as I listened.

A boy like mine, doesn’t need another reason for school to be uncomfortable.  We already hear about the crowded halls and the loud lunchroom;  this makes the morning leading up to school even worse.

The bad thing is, my TBP is an easy target.  Maybe it is the way others can annoy him and consistently he provides the emotional reaction that bullies want.  Maybe it is the glasses and the elastic pants and hood that is usually pulled a little bit tighter than most.  Maybe it is his fascination with only a few topics and his lack of interest in sports or boy things.  Maybe it is his poor motor skills and equally clumsy social skills.

Most likely, it is a combination of all these things…and more.

In the not so far off past, my son would physically lash out at anyone he felt had done him wrong.  He knows that isn’t the “right” response, but he wants to do something that will make it stop.

He tells the adults and he feels that they dismiss him.

He tells his teacher, but she doesn’t see the tripping or pushing or leaning into my son because it’s just as she walks to the other side of the room.

He tells the lunchroom lady, but she doesn’t witness it and the other boy denies his acts of aggression.

Tonight, I emailed the school.  At first, he didn’t want me to but when I explained the importance of asking for help, he agreed.  I wait to hear their response and their plan to make it stop.

I don’t want my son to turn around in frustration and hit a kid that has been pushing his buttons; however, I am not sure how much longer he will tolerate the daily punishment.

How long would I take daily punishment?  Not long.

What do you do if your child says he is bullied?

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10 thoughts on “The B Word

  1. OMG I’m already so very fearful of this. Like horrifyingly fearful. My son is being taught right now to not lash out. I have already asked his teacher about the times that “what if he should?” He’s learning to keep his hands to himself. But typical kids, are often not. And that is the worst most awfulest part.

    • I am telling you that I was beyond frustrated! When things were really bad at school, we heard right away when he struggled; however, it doesn’t seem that he gets the same level of attention when HE is the one reporting!
      Good thing…I know the rules and they must put a plan in place to help him. Will see…

  2. I feel for you and hope the school will respond. This is one of my biggest fears about sending my kid to school. I see how some of the kids(usually older ones) judge him. He’s in a small school that is for gifted and 2E kids and even there I see there is a possibility of bullying. You’re showing him the right example but not ignoring it and taking action!

    • Wendi-
      Parents hate to hear about this…we feel helpless and frustrated and hate to think about it!
      I will demand a plan of action and luckily, we have a meeting set for next week so that I can explain the type of action that we want to see!

  3. I really, really hope you get some traction with the school, and that it’s not just one of all the “educational” opportunities (blech) we have to provide to others about our children. When my son came out of the classroom crying (bawling) at the end of the second week of school, I knew something was amiss. In the car I finally got out of him that he had been teased and taunted over and over again by two boys, basically until the edge of his breaking point. It was a third boy who has personal space issues that got into my son’s face, and by then he couldn’t contain anymore and he lashed out and scratched that boy. My son was the one who got in trouble and shunned (literally, back turned) by the teacher. After almost immediately talking to the administrator and her doing some investigating, it turns out the teacher watched the whole. thing. happen. Turns out there are perks to being a board member’s child (both of these boys are), and those perks get you free passes to being bullies (all the while their parents are insisting on a one-and-done “violent child policy” with which to rid the school of “problem” children). Thankfully things have calmed since then, but it is most definitely, undeniably, heart-breaking to see the hurt and fear on your child’s face (and heart). And it sucks big time when the politics of a school’s culture can be such a huge barrier. Big hugs to you and your family. Big, big hugs. (I hope I didn’t comment twice, I had a hiccup the first time around – sorry!!)

  4. Yes, we have to advocate for our kids and show them that bullying is not to be tolerated…no matter if they are the bullied or the bullier!

  5. I deal with this every year Kelly!!! It is extremely stressful!! I hope you get help from the school. We have dealt with a lot here where I live now and my son has gotten to the point that he doesn’t even tell the adults at school because they either don’t listen or he gets called in and questioned while the offender lies, that makes him crazy. He also doesn’t want to be a tattle tale. The other kids are always liars and see things completely different then him. Our new school is soooo much better and I really do feel they try. Having a few staff that know and understand your child is the most helpful. I bring treats to those helpful EAs. I usually have a word before school with them and my son comes home and says mom the kids stopped now. Having extra eyes at school has really saved us. Hopefully it gets better. : )

    • Carrie-
      Luckily, I have been very happy with their support and communication. My son was very reluctant to tell us because he didn’t think anyone could help. I hated seeing him feel so overwhelmed and worried. He was relieved when the counselor immediately for involved.

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