Not my Twin

Before I begin, I want to say that I am extremely grateful to be the mama to my son.  I am lucky that he is smart, healthy and precious. He is creative and has an incredibly kind heart with a love for his parents and his dogs.

He is a loyal friend and I love that about him.

I know that I am blessed.

But I find myself wondering if other parents wished their child liked what they wanted them to like?

I never expected him to be my twin, but maybe a couple of the same interests?

Let me explain…

When my son was little, we offered opportunities for art, music and sports.  We thought these things were important. When he was little, these lessons weren’t things that he begged to do.  He did them because we found them, we paid for them and we drove him there.

My TBP was still young when he began to have strong opinions about his likes and dislikes.

He didn’t enjoy the team sports that he had played, so we stopped signing him up.

He agreed to practice piano and took lessons for a year and a half; despite having talent and a good ear, he wasn’t at all interested in piano. Private lessons were expensive and time-consuming so when he didn’t love playing, we stopped.

Currently, my son doesn’t love things that I hoped he might, at least not yet. Science, writing, art or reading just for fun are not desired past times.

He is so creative that I thought he might like painting or cooking.

Nope.

We continue to provide opportunities in these areas and other activities in hopes that something might stick.

Our approach has been kind of “No Thank You Bite” approach where he agrees to “taste” something, but if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to finish it.

Is this encouraging quitting too soon? Does this prevent building stamina and resilience? Is this so different from other families?

I think I am still accepting the fact that I cannot control what my child is interested in and what he is not interested in.  He has his own opinions about food, music, and clothes too.

Yes, he is his own person. This is how it is supposed to be, right?

My nine-year old boy loves video games, zombies, tag and Nerf gun fights, and he has developed the desire to be a comedian with the bulk of his act revolving around potty humor.

Perhaps he will be the best damn video gamer, zombie hunter, Nerf gun wielding comedian out there!

What I want…is for him to be happy.

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Not my Twin

  1. Oh I could have written all of this! I swear sometimes I’m running out of ideas to suggest, but then again I don’t want to deal with the “rejection” when they don’t like whatever it is anyway!

  2. Yep! We want them to accept our ideas and values, but we’ve also got to accept them the way they are. As long as we’re good role models and love them even though they refuse to bathe for 4 days and are obsessed with Minecraft, it’ll all work out.

  3. Oh, we have been down this road, too, with our 3rd son! At 14 years old, we are still on this road. Ditto on the piano lessons! The biggest question I have about my son is, how can one be so extremely talented at something, but not like it? Gah!

  4. I think it is important to teach a child that personal development as a kid is doing something even when it’s not a thrill. You can’t teach them commitment and perseverance by letting them drop every activity just because of the, “I don’t wanna” effect. I can’t recall how many times I’ve heard from someone, “My mom made me take piano lessons, now I’m really glad she did.” Kids need guidance and training that sometimes you stick with something just because it is the things you learn along the way, and not just the activity itself, that are important. Teach commitment because life isn’t always a thrill. Sometimes it’s work.

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