How do you get rid of the anger?  How do you work past negative feelings and move on?

After an incredibly long and emotional adoption journey, we were lucky that the judge ruled with us and that we could call my TBP ours.

It was eight months of complete day by day living until finally that glorious and unforgettable day. When it was all over, I had a lot of unresolved pain and emotions.  It took a long time to recover.

In some ways, I feel like I have to do that again.

Although homeschooling was not my first pick, it has brought more harmony to our home.  Because of that, I am relieved and should be happy.

The problem is that I know that what happened to my son is wrong and I know that if I don’t do something, it will happen to other families and children.

I want them to say that they didn’t provide him the education that was within his rights.

I want them to say that they were ill-prepared to handle a child so bright and yet, so immature.

I want them to say that they knew that they pushed us into homeschooling.

I want them to say that they knew that they were being uncooperative, vindictive, and unprofessional.

I want them to say that they were wrong and that they are sorry.

I don’t know if I will ever hear any of these words.  I can’t make them say those things.  Because of this, I do what writers do when certain thoughts and experiences take over the rest of their mind and energy…I write.

After the adoption was finalized, I wrote letters to all the key players that drained my energy.  I didn’t send them.  I didn’t really have to.

It helped and I think it will help this time too.

What do you do when you are recovering from a painful situation?  Do you write?  Do you talk?  My inquiring mind wants to know!

9 thoughts on “Recovery

  1. Hi Kelly! Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve been on your blog but just got caught up on the latest. I was sorry to hear of the lack of understanding and support your son received from his school. How disappointing and frustrating. It sounds like you’ve made the best decision for your son. I imagine it can’t be easy but your examples of the types of learning he’s exposed to is really neat to read. And I imagine a weight is lifted to see him happier. Hang in there with everything! Cami

    • Cami,
      Thank you 🙂
      It is a very odd feeling being a teacher myself (and someone who loved school) turning toward homeschooling. For us, we felt pushed into it because of the lack of compassion, lack of communication and lack of professionalism. I truly appreciate your visit and comments and hope all is well with yours 😉

  2. I emailed you last week sharing the I am also an elementary teacher who just pulled her 3rd grade son from school. 🙂

    I *did* write a letter. It wasn’t angry, but it was direct and very honest. I shared how the promises made to us were not delivered on, explained our perspective on all that occurred this year that led to the decision, and detailed the pain since this felt like our only option (especially painful since we had just started at the school and bought our house feeling it was the best public school around). Most importantly, I expressed how our child went from confident, happy and successful at his previous school last year, to the opposite this year, and that our child’s natural and common needs as a learner were not met. I also shared my personal shock as an educator that we were treated as though our perspective on our son didn’t matter, nor did the previous school’s info (that I requested), and that his history as a learner or other aspects of him- the overall picture- were not relevant, that only their needs and their perspective seemed to matter. I sent it and am so glad I did. I did hear back from 2 of the 5 people to whom I sent the letter. One actually showed care and appreciation that we invited her to “reflect”. I do think she was sincere. I don’t know that my letter will help them think differently or more reflectively, or that it will encourage change, but I know that I said what I needed to say to feel like I did all that I could to advocate for my kiddo and other children at the school. I feel more peaceful after doing so, still shocked and upset, but better than if I hadn’t sent it. It’s really hard. For me, it feels like a double heartbreak, both personally as a parent and professionally as a teacher, that perspectives and learning communities exist like this…. And now we begin a new adventure.

    P.S. Have you checked out Project Based Homeschooling? I’m loving the book (author also has a blog w/ an online forum and she’s great about answering questions).

    • I am so glad that you wrote the letter! It was important. I am currently gathering all my information, considering where to formally file a complaint, and other options.
      Do you have that website info handy? I would really like it 😉
      blessings to you! Lots of people say they will file complaints and write letters but many don’t and I think it matters!

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