This post was written before last week’s tragedy. I am sharing it in an effort to begin to focus on “normal” things…although my heart is still heavy about this horrific act!
Those that know me well, know that I tend to fixate on things. I like to think of myself as persistent and to have the ability to see a situation from all sides, but…I will admit that I can get stuck on certain ideas. My current obsession would be Santa Pictures! In the past month, I have written 3 articles about this topic. I wouldn’t think that there would be much left to say but…here comes Number 4!
If you remember, “Santa Gate” began when our first trip for the annual Santa picture did not go as expected. I was disappointed at the experience (which was very different in my own mind) and the resulting photo. Then, I felt guilty about not liking the picture. After some consideration, my TBP agreed to go back for another try because he knew how much it meant to me. This one went well. I should have been thrilled and I was…but something was gnawing at me. Maybe I was worried about the message that this sent him. Yes. We celebrated that he overcame his fear and that he was able to do something for someone else. But could it give him the message that he was “not enough” or needed fixing?
This morning, I read a comment from a wise blogging friend and he put words to some of my feelings… I’m glad that it worked out but I would want to keep the original photo as a keepsake of the experience
He’s right! I can’t just send the first ones back. I don’t want us to look at the long progression of photos and forget that this one existed. This photo, while definitely not what I originally wanted, but it helps to tell his story. At this time, there are times where my TBP is outgoing, quick and personable and other times where he is withdrawn and shy. He is sensitive and can be overwhelmed in situations. He needs helps sometimes to solve issues and work through current problems. This is my TBP now…at this moment. But someday, he will be more mature and this won’t be him. He won’t need the extra reminders and strategies that he needs now.
After thinking about this all day (and believe me…I have) I think the only solution that seems appropriate is to keep both. It was very generous of the photographer to offer to take the initial photos back and trade them with the newest version; however, it doesn’t seem right. I believe that they should be kept for no other reason than to remember the experience and the growth that took place.
Now I just need another frame for the new one that is being sent!
PS The pictures arrived and they are adorable…no regrets! My TBP wore a sweet smile when he saw the “new and improved picture.” 🙂