My Twice Baked Potato

After hearing amazing things about the movie Boyhood, I finally watched it last night. I had been told that if you are a parent, especially of a boy, it will resonate with you.

I liked the movie. I thought it was amazing to see the transformation of all characters over the twelve years that it took to make it. I thought the casting was brilliant because somehow Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette made their messed up characters still likeable and relatable vs just hot messes.

At the end of the movie, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it.

Maybe it was the fact that we started the movie after myTBP was finally asleep or it was my preoccupation with losing that hour of sleep, but I wasn’t moved…until today.

The first sound that I heard this morning was my son calling me into his room. As I turned the doorknob to walk in his room, the messages from last nights “good” movie, hit me in the face.

I was flooded with memories of the many times that I had opened that door. First to a crib, then a twin bed, and now a full size bed that is occupied by a boy that looks all arms and legs.

Just like in the movie, it feels that each time I see my son, he is maturing before my eyes. When I see him daily, these changes are there but less obvious. But then, all of a sudden, a new change becomes apparent.

This morning, I walked in his room and sat in his chair. He begins the day with lots of facts and information about his current computer game and then moves to “What would you do if…” questions. His thinking already moving at a pace that’s hard for my pre-coffee mind to follow.

I listen. I participate, but I am distracted by the movie’s demonstration that this parenting gig is fast, although some days are tediously slow, and I want to be present.

One take away for me from the movie was the fact that no matter how well we try to camouflage our “issues” they impact our children. They are out of our children’s control. This is a reminder to check myself when I share my own discomfort with crowds, bees, escalators, or other fears to my son who seems to always be listening.

Another thing that resonates with me today, is how quick I moved to judgment as I questioned Patricia Arquette’s parenting decisions. It reminded me that no one can judge until you’ve lived it. I know it, but I still do it.

There were parts of the movie that I found depressing last night. Now, I wonder if those feelings are more about my own fear of losing control. That we as mother’s realistically have a short period to influence our children and then they are off on their own and we are left behind. Just writing that is hard for me even when I know that is the goal.

The boy in Boyhood challenges authority and meaning of life and big ideas. I hear these words from my son. He hates the words “because I said so.”

“I just want to know how old I will be when I won’t be told what to do!”

He seemed disappointed when my answer is “I’m still waiting.”

In the sunshine of this day, even after one less hour of sleep, I feel myself still thinking about this movie and the messages. Because of that, I would call it a successful Saturday Night movie and I can see why others recommended it.