I Was Going to…

Today, I was going to write about a stupid jealously that I was experiencing yesterday. I was going to start by explaining that in the grand scheme of all things, my pity party for one was over something so small and so truly unimportant… it was about Super Bowl Sunday.

I know that the Super Bowl is important to many, but I was going to explain that I am the kind of football fan that TRUE fans hate.  I don’t watch the games until the play offs and even then, I don’t know the names of the key players or the stats that got them to the play offs. I enjoy the commercials and the excuse for snacks and a beverage or two.

I was going to explain that our very own Seahawks have played their way to the Super Bowl game and that everywhere I look, people and businesses are proudly sporting their 12th Man gear and blue and green attire.  Pinterest and Facebook are overflowing with Super Bowl excitement and party ideas.

I was going to explain that the idea of attending or throwing a Super Bowl party is a fun idea… in theory; however, at this time in our lives it just isn’t realistic.  The screams and cheering, the crowded room, and the focus on something other than him for that length of time just wouldn’t work.

I was going to explain that there are a couple of times of year, where it can be isolating to be the parent of a child with sensory issues.  I was going to explain that most of the time it is fine but there are those days where I am a bit jealous of the “regular” kid.

I was going to say all of this and more.  I wrote the piece and I let it sit on the screen for a few hours, much like I do when I write a fired-up email to his school.  I let it sit.  I give myself time away from the emotions of the words that flow freely when I am mad or sad or both.

I was going to hit “publish” and then I didn’t because when I read my words again. I couldn’t do it.

I sounded like a baby.  A whiner.  I sounded ridiculous getting so upset about something that ninety-five percent of the time I could care less about!  With a few hours away from my words, I gained perspective and remembered how incredibly lucky I am, how lucky my family of three is and how good we really have it.

We will have a small gathering tomorrow in our living room and we will enjoy a few snacks and a cold one or two.  We will smile at  the commercials and we will cheer for our local heroes and nothing can stop us from that!

Go Seahawks! 🙂

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