I Want it All

Many of you know, that I have returned to full-time teaching after working part-time.  As with most anything, this decision has come with both positives and negatives.

When I switched from full-time to part-time, I thought that I would love it!  I imagined that I would feel balanced and refreshed.  I planned on baking cookies and organizing activities with my son when he returned home from school.  I did have more time at home and I did have the opportunity to write before I got my son at school, but I didn’t do the “extras” that I had promised myself.  I wished that I would have done more!

The highlight of working part-time was walking home with my son each day.  As we walked home, I heard about the details of the day.  I heard about recess and the best parts of the day.  Now that I get home much later, he isn’t interested in talking about school.  I hear lots of “I forgot” when I press for details and I have to piece the puzzle together in order to have some general idea of his feelings about school.

I really miss the walk.

I knew that going back to full-time work would have many benefits.  Obviously, the financial piece was a contributing factor, but that wasn’t the only reason to return.  Professionally, I wanted to return to the teaching team that I relied on and that supported me.  I wanted to spend all day with my students.  I wanted to have the opportunity to work with those that needed extra help later and to have the flexibility to plan and reflect on my lessons.  As a part-time teacher who shared a room, when your time was up…it was up.  You had to leave because there was another teacher coming in the room to prepare for her class and her lessons.

Overall, I would say that the transition back to school and back to full-time teaching has been relatively smooth; however, I miss the time to write.  I miss the time in the afternoon when I had a short time to hear myself think.

As I reflect about all the challenges and benefits, I have decided that I really want it all.

I want enough financial security that I don’t have to cross my fingers when I use my debit card; however, I don’t need expensive purses or shoes anymore.

I want to do the job that I have chosen, teaching, caring and motivating children; however,  I don’t want to be so tired that I’m not any good to my own child.

I want to have thoughts that are creative and interesting; however, I don’t want to be writing in the wee hours when the words struggle to make sense.

I don’t want to miss out on the important things as my only son grows up way too quickly before my eyes.

I want it all…don’t you?!

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