Although I am only working part-time, my plate seems to be running over!
My mother is staying in a convalescent center while recuperating from a broken femur, my son is still adjusting to the new school year, and I am learning the “ins and outs” of my new job in Kindergarten. At the time when I should be falling asleep, I make lists in my mind of all the things that should have been done. None of these tasks are as important as my son or my mother, but collectively…they weigh me down.
I try to keep up with the laundry, cleaning, emails, homework, puppy training, but things aren’t as tidy as I expected them to be with me getting home so much earlier. I had imagined with my new schedule…homemade cookies, a clean house, and organized projects with my son. So far…not so much.
Last night, as the evening was winding down, my son asked “Am I a king?”
I was surprised by this question and without thinking, immediately responded with, “No my son…you are not a king!” I continued by asking, “Why would you ask that?”
“I was just wondering,” my son replied. My TBP got quiet.
He finished his snack and his show and went upstairs with me for his nightly routine. As he changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth, he was more quiet than normal. I looked at my beautiful boy. I noticed how tall he had grown. I noticed the way he completed each job in a precise and systematic way. I was reminded that it wouldn’t be long, before he wouldn’t allow me to be part of his bedtime regimen.
We each read a chapter out of the book that we are reading together and then I turned out the lights. It was mostly quiet, but you could hear the faint sounds of birds chirping from his sound machine.
Although he has had a couple of challenging weeks, at this very moment, he looked so peaceful…almost baby-like. I got up and playfully told him to scoot over so that I could lay next to him in his twin bed. While I laid next to him, we talked. We talked about home, school, and even a bit of Mine Craft. The sensory part of him took over. While he was twisting my hair, he told me things in the dark…that he sometimes doesn’t share in the light.
Recently, he has shared doubts about his value as a boy and a person. I decided to take this rare opportunity to reassure him.
“Do you know that you’re loved?”
“I know that.”
“Do you know that you’re kind?’
“I know that.”
“Do you know that your creative?”
” I know that.”
This continued for 4-5 minutes. At this point, we weren’t focusing on his struggles or challenges but his gifts. He grew more sleepy with each response. After several passing minutes, I knew he wouldn’t be awake much longer. I leaned over and whispered…
“Do you know that I think you’re a King?”
“I know that.” He responded with an angelic smile and within minutes, he was out for the night.
As I think about last night, I know that there will be many that think that I’m doing my son a disservice by telling him how AMAZING he is to me. But I ask those people…If I don’t do it, who will? The well-intentioned, but overworked teacher that is annoyed by his constant questioning? The librarian that doesn’t want to help him find more sophisticated reading materials? The PE teacher that insists that he’s a poor sport?
After thinking about all the self-doubt that he feels at this time, I have come to the conclusion that home must be a safe, comfortable sanctuary where he can feel like a king! 🙂